First snowfall

Today it snowed a little for the first time this year. We got the kids all dressed up in their winter clothes and took them outside. They really loved the snow! It was wet and packed really well, so they got to make their first snowman. It might not look like much, but for the first snowfall in mid-Missouri it was a fairly respectable snowman (red grape eyes and macaroni smile notwithstanding).

Avery and her sucker

Avery got a blow pop at one of the stops on their errands today. She was a good girl and took a nap, so got to have it afterwards. When I got home, she was sitting on the couch licking it, so excited to show me. I talked her into giving it to me before dinner, and gave it back to her afterwards. Soon she told me that something was wrong with it- the gum was starting to poke through. Well, I thought that I would show her how to crunch on it and get the gum out (she loves gum). Big mistake! She started crying so hard, telling me that I broke it. I kept saying, look it's gum- but she would yell back through tears, no it's not, it's a sucker! You broke it! She was more sad than mad, and I felt awful! She also got a little fish today. It is a beta and she named it Elle. Jamie wanted to get her another one, but I informed him that they're known as fighting fish and would likely kill each other. I'm glad we caught that one before a catastrophe happened!

Halloween

Halloween was awesome this year. The weather was perfect and the kids really enjoyed it. I went home after work and Jamie had gutted some pumpkins and pre-cut them so the kids could just pop out the shapes. We then carried them to the front porch and put candles in them. We got the kids dressed to go trick-or-treating. Donald agreed to stay home and pass out candy so we could both take the kids out. Avery dressed up as a princess (my friend Heather sent us the dress) and I made Asher a frog prince costume. I was impressed with how well it turned out (who knew you could sew ping pong balls onto things?). We took them around in the wagon. Avery loved it, and went up to the houses and yelled trick or treat (sometimes adding the obligatory smell my feet, give me something good to eat that her dad taught her). At one house, she told me to stand in the driveway while she went up to the door by herself. Big girl! Asher got a little tired and bored so Jamie wheeled him home while Sunny and Alex and Avery and I finished up the neighborhood. Avery had a blast. She couldn't believe she got all the candy she did (especially the suckers- her favorite), and quickly asked if we could do it again tomorrow!

Trip to the firehouse

Yesterday we went to the firehouse and had dinner. Everyone takes turns cooking dinner for everyone else, and there is a dinner the last Tuesday of every month. Believe me, I welcome the break from cooking, and the kids like going up there and playing with the other kids. I also checked out the little workout area (yes, little) and actually got up at 5 this morning and ran on the treadmill there. A good habit to get into..but an incredibly boring one. I just wanted to post some pics of the kids at the fire station... Here's Papi's little fireman...

Trip to the zoo

Today I took a personal day off of work. Jamie had a job interview near the St. Louis airport, and rather than have the kids in daycare all day we decided to just make a family day out of it and go together, then go to zoo (which we've wanted to do all year). We left by 6 am and drove to St. Louis. I dropped Jamie off at a hotel where he was to have his interview, and I took the kids for breakfast at Ihop. They loved the pancakes, and within an hour we picked Papi up and headed toward the zoo. It was a chilly and sort of drizzly day, but thankfully it wasn't very wet by the time we got there. As we suspected, we had the zoo nearly to ourselves. We took the wagon, but the kids got to get out and walk around a bit because there were so few other people there. We took a ride on the little train that goes around the zoo. We did get to see four tiger cubs playing, but that was it for animals on the train ride... so that was pretty much a bust. We didn't see a ton of animals, partly because some of them were inside and partly because we didn't spent a whole lot of time at the zoo. Asher absolutely loved the bears. He actually squealed when he saw them. He also trumpeted at the elephants entirely without prompting from us. Avery was interested in everything, and especially loved the big beetle she got to crawl on. We got her face painted and of course she didn't choose a cute little animal...she wanted a shark! That's my girl. We actually timed it perfectly, as the kids were *just* starting to get worn out when we were leaving. By the time we started heading west, they were both sleeping in the car. It was a good day!

Avery-isms

Avery is so fun to be around! She says such cute things, I think it would be a shame to not write them down and keep them somehow. So... here are a few! When something is big, it's not just big. It is "big one." I like I want a big one drink, I took a big one nap. When you ask her her name, she will say Avery Rose. We are teaching her her last name, so now she will say Avery Rose Lehman (Ay-wee Wose Wehman). We are also trying to teach her OUR first names in case we're ever separated somewhere. Yesterday we were informed that our names were Daddy Rose Lehman, and Mommy Rose Lehman. She is big into favorite things. Whenever she sees something she likes, like her bike she'll say "oh, that's my favorite bike." She calls everyone her favorite friend. Everyone she meets is her friend. The other day she introduced Asher to our neighbor by saying "this is my good friend Asher." And of course when she introduces us like that, she always cups her hands a little and points in the direction of the introducee. Her new thing to do this week is to tell us that she has an idea. If she wants to go outside to play, she tells us "I have an idea, let's go outside...isn't that a great idea?" If she does something naughty and we punish her for it (like spreading diaper cream on the carpet or drawing on the carpet with a Sharpie), when we remind her of it she'll say "I won't do THAT again." If we catch her doing something she isn't supposed to do, like flushing the toilet or drawing on a paper we need- she'll tell me "I just pretend- I not do it." She is always telling us funny things, like to be very careful, or I will miss you. The other day she said she was proud of me for coming home from work. Avery is tenacious, and loves to keep trying. When she doesn't get it right the first time, she'll say "it's okay, I'll try again." She will also encourage us to keep trying again, and sometimes it can be really funny. Once she asked for a cookie right before dinner. I said I can't give you a cookie, and she looked at me, cocked her head and shrugged a little and told me "just try!" It's okay is another one. When she makes a mistake, I'll tell her it's okay. Well now when she does something naughty she'll say it's okay mommy. I caught her in a pile of macaroni noodles that she'd dumped out on the ground. I said Avery what did you do? Her response- it's okay mommy. :/ I'm sure I'll think of more... I will just have to edit this as I remember them! :) Asher is pretty little yet, so doesn't have many Asher-isms. He has learned the word "diaper" (pah-pah). A few weeks ago every once in a while he'd bring one to us and we'd change him. Now after he poops he'll say diaper. So, all you can hear is him grunting to poop, then he says diaper. It's so funny! The other day he farted, and said diaper! Hahaha

First day back at daycare

We decided to start the kids back to daycare twice a week, just in case there were problems adjusting. This way we could pick them up early if we needed to, before it wasn't possible. Jamie had to be at the Caterpillar plant this morning so it worked out well. Avery was SO excited, she was squealing. All morning long she was talking about how she was going to see her friends, how Derrick and Owen were going to be surprised that she was a big girl, and that she could go to the potty. Everything she picked up, she asked if she could bring it along to school to show Bobby, because Bobby would 'wub this.' We arrived and the kids were so happy to see Avery and Asher. Of course, Asher didn't remember any of it and was really upset that everyone was crowded around. When it came time for me to leave he just screamed. I have been worried about him all day. Jamie called to check on them, and heard Asher screaming in the background. Jamie went to pick them up at 4, and the kids were all sitting around their tables eating snacks. Asher was there and eating his snack, just like a big boy. I guess he loved the slide (of course!) and went up and down it all day long. Avery and Derrick were holding hands most of the afternoon. :) It does my heart good to know that they are being cared for. It really is the best case scenario having them in a couple days a week. We aren't going to break the bank, we get to take care of them most days, and they get to play and develop friendships with other kids.

Busy day!

Today was the fifth annual Columbia Half Marathon Challenge. We had so many more people registered this year than in years' past! I think there were nearly 500 total runners with nearly 400 of them being individuals rather than teams. I stepped back a bit this year from the planning and Lisa did a great job of stepping up. I look forward to the day that I can just step back completely and maybe even run things... getting up at 4 am the first Sunday in Oct every year is getting old! I didn't see the kids much today, but we did have a nice evening together. Avery let a daddy long leg walk all over her- up her arms across her back, on her tummy- and she loved it. She was VERY upset that the spider from the face-painting the day before had worn off. The more she cried about it, the more it ran off her sad little face. I ended up getting out some makeup and painting on a new one. She thought that was way cool, and kept running to the mirror to look at it. Someone in Walmart said something to her about it, and she just beamed. I wonder how many spiders I'm going to have to paint on her face before she loses interest. ;)

The Pumpkin Patch

Well, we got news yesterday that Jamie got a job! What an answered prayer. It's not his dream job, but he will work on Sat, Sun, and Mon for 12 hours per day and get paid for 40 hours. It's in Boonville, which is 40 miles away, but he only has to go there three times a week, so it's not that bad. We only have to get childcare on Mondays, but we are going to send the kids Friday too. That way Jamie will have a day completely off (lucky him). He is still talking to people outside of town- specifically in St. Louis about jobs. He would commute there (5 hours each day). I would see him only an hour or so at night, and the kids would only see him on weekends. I'm not a big fan of this idea, but he really wants to do something with his life that has to do with construction, and I guess it's important enough to him to be willing to make that sacrifice. In the meantime, I wouldn't enjoy being a single mom, so to speak. Ah, we'll cross that bridge if it comes. So, since we figured that Jamie might soon be working weekends, we took our annual trip to the Pumpkin Patch with the kids. This is our third year. It was a beautiful day... the weather was perfect. The kids enjoyed climbing around on pumpkins... ...a hayride and feeding the goats. Asher is fearless when it comes to the goats. He was feeding them one piece of food at a time, and they were nibbling his fingers as he was laughing. Avery wasn't quite so brave, but did choose to get a spider painted on her face. It was the first time she'd had that done, and out of the butterfly, pumpkin, and ladybug she chose a big hairy spider! We had our neighbors over that evening for grilled pork chops, and all in all had a really nice day!

Busy day

I have a busy day today, and the next couple days. The half marathon is this weekend. This is the first time in four years I haven't been the director. I told Lisa that I would take on the responsibilities of coordinating the volunteers. Ugh. I remember why I told her I would do it- I was feeling guilty for not directing so took upon myself the most thankless, difficult jobs. I'll be glad when Sunday comes. Funny- for the last five years I've been dreading the first Sunday in October. The kids are doing better- the whole family was sick for the past week. I think Asher still has a bit of the bug. Last night I really had a good night with him. (I had both kids by myself... and Avery was a good girl, but Asher was being fun.) Recently he learned that a monkey says 'ooh ooh ooh' and whenever you ask him what a ___ says, he says ooh ooh ooh. As cute as it is, horeses and dogs don't say ooh ooh ooh. Well, last night I asked him what a horse said and he neighed! Then I asked him what a doggy says and he started panting (then he said ooh ooh ooh.. but hey, baby steps!). Then I read brown bear to him and he actually sat still for a good part of it- big accomplishment. We made all the sounds the animals make and he mimicked each one perfectly. When we got to the teacher at the end I pointed my finger and said 'wah-wah-wah' like Charlie Brown's teacher. He cracked up! Every time I did that he giggled himself silly.. then he started doing the same thing with his chubby little sausage finger pointing all the while. Avery in the meantime is obsessed with being a big girl. Every time we eat, or she pees in the potty she says that 'now I can grow.' (yes, we told her she would grow more if she went to the potty- and takes naps... LOL) She is such a lovely little thing. Every morning she comes into my room carrying something or other (lately it's been her rubber lizard Joey) and tells me she wubs me. We usually watch Little Mermaid together, then I turn on Little Einsteins and she watches that while I get ready to go to work. She really doesn't like when I go to work... it makes me so sad when I see her get sad, knowing I have to leave. Jamie is on the verge of getting a job at Caterpillar. I know he doesn't want to work there but we NEED the money. If he gets it, we'll have to (get to?) send the kids to daycare two days a week. He'll only have three 12 hour days to work, so he can watch the kids Tu Wed Th. I'll have them pretty much all weekend, but that's okay- I miss them so much during the week I love spending time with them on the weekend. I'm praying he gets this... he needs to get out of the house more, and we need the money.

Nice weekend

We had a nice weekend! Saturday we went to the Heritage Festival with Sunny and Reagan. There were lots of things there that the kids liked and we had fun walking around looking at things. They especially liked the animals and the guy with the whip. :) Afterwards we went to McDonald's for lunch, then home and naps and a nice dinner. Everyone was in a good mood! I went to the grocery store during naptime, and Aldi's (I was amazed at all the food I got there for $40!). Sunday I cooked all day. Jamie and I decided that the kids do better in the evenings if we eat early, and when I cook the whole meal when I get home from work we don't eat until closer to 6. So, I prepped a bunch of stuff (4 meatloafs, 5# chicken breasts cut into strips, several pks of pork chops and roasts, spaghetti sauce, cabbage and beef, chickpeas, rice and taco meat) so hopefully he can thaw it out and start dinner. I was so tired on Sunday after all that cooking- I think I was in the kitchen for 4 hours.

Good weekend

We had a good weekend here in Millersburg, MO. I ran in a 5k race on Saturday morning. I placed first in my age group (out of both of us!), but came in about 10 seconds slower than last year. I ran with my friend Dana and had a nice time. After I came home Sunny and I took all four kids to a Parents as Teachers sponsored do-dad in Fulton. It was in a local elem school's gym and the kids all had a fun time. It was better than playing outside, because it was a really rainy day. After naps, we went to Noel's fourth birthday party. It was a really nice little party, and even Jamie came. Saturday night into Sunday morning it was very rainy. Hurricane Ike came through and dumped about 7 inches of rain on us. Sunday I spent most of the day cleaning house because we had an open house. But, no one showed up. At least I have a clean house, I guess. We got to play outside a little yesterday evening. The kids loved finding worms and playing with them. Poor, poor worms. Asher loved on one particular worm a little too much and ended up stomping it to death. Avery's potty training is going well. She is still not pooping in the potty very much. Yesterday I told her if she pooped in the potty that I would bake her a cake. I left (for privacy, of course- she insists) and a minute later hear "mommy, I pooped! I want cake!" I went in there to see the tiniest poop in the world. I hated to break it to her that I wanted to see a "big one" poop. I got a message on my phone at work today. It was Avery informing me that she did a big one poop in the potty all by herself and that she had earned her cake. :) Funny... Jamie said that before he put the kids in the tub today that he was using the toilet, and Avery informed him that he deserved for me to bake him a cake too! LOL! I told made-up stories to Avery last night, and it was so fun. She was interacting and really engaged. At one point I was talking about a snake and she said that snakes were scary. So, I went and got my fuzziest softest sock and put it on my hand and pretended it was the snake. Pretty soon she had one on too and we were kissing with the snakes.

Bad day!

I had a really rough evening yesterday. It seems I spend all day at work thinking of my family and wishing I were home with them. I look forward to coming home and getting hugs and kisses- but yesterday that didn't happen (it often doesn't). I opened the door and Asher just looked at me, and wandered away. Both kids were whining and generally unhappy before dinner- and then at dinner Avery decides she doesn't want to eat and throws a fit. Nice dinner. We go downstairs and things are okay at first. I'm hanging out with the kids and Jamie is on the computer and Asher falls and hits his head. I picked him up to comfort him and he squirmed until I let him go- then he runs to Jamie. So, I just go upstairs to get cups of milk for bedtime and no one wants me to put them to bed. I try to get Avery to let me read to her, but she got really upset when I pushed one of the buttons on the book because SHE wanted to do it- then started crying I want my daddy. THIS ISN'T THE WAY IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE! I am supposed to be the one that comforts my kids. The one they come to when they want to be held. I spend half of my time in my own house feeling like I don't belong there. I'm certainly not needed. I don't feel like I belong at work either, because I want to belong home. It is a very lost, frustrated feeling and some days it gets to me. On the upside, when Jamie came into Avery's room to read to her I went into my room and shut the door. I was crying and Avery came in and told me I wub you mommy and came to give me a kiss. I picked her up and she asked me if I was sad. I told her I was, because I don't get to spend much time with her every day and I want the time we do spend together to be special. I don't want her to be yelling and be angry with me. Then I told her that I loved reading to her each night and I was sad that she got so angry with me and asked for daddy, because daddy gets to spend all day with her and I don't. Then she said to me, mommy you can read my dragon book to me if you want. That made me smile and I gave her a hug and told her I would love to. Then she said Mommy, you happy now? It really warmed my heart to see that glimpse of empathy in her. I realize that with me being the one to work and Jamie the one that has to stay home that this is likely the way it's going to be. I can't expect the kids to know to switch from daddy mode to mommy mode at 5pm every day. And 5pm is nearing the end of the day and they're hungry and probably just a little tired. That makes them whiny- and it's always been like that. Asher can't talk much yet so gets VERY angry when he has things taken away from him, or something doesn't work his way (like when he can't get the top on a bottle), which makes it hard to reason with him like I can Avery. But, knowing that's the way it is and is going to be and feeling that it's right and being okay with it are both really difficult to me. I am at a place in my life right now where nothing seems like it should be. We are in debt, so our house is for sale and I don't want to sell it. I enjoy my job but wish I made enough so that things were easier for us. I want Jamie to get a job but am afraid that if he gets one it won't be there for long and both of us will be jobless. We did that once this year and it's no fun. At all. I hate that I sit at work all day wishing I were home and Jamie sits at home all day wishing he had a job. I don't mind Donny living in our house as much as I thought I would, mostly because I think he is being really helpful to Jamie while I'm at work all day. But, I did like things much better when he was gone. I am starting to run again, but it's slow and my feet always hurt. I have to get up and run up and down our neighborhood roads so many times just to get a half hour run in. It's dark, lonely and boring. I'm not losing weight like I'd like to. I don't go to church like I want to. Nothing seems right. Anyway-- I'm having one hella pity party for myself today, aren't I?! LOL! Well, today is Friday and I love Fridays because I get to spend the weekend with my kids- whether they care or not! ;)

I made it!

Before I left today Avery told me to be careful not to go peepee in my big girl panties when I was at work. Well, I'm ready to leave my office and I made it all day without peeing my pants. Ha! I woke up this morning because of a really bad dream I had of Asher. It had my adrenaline going so I never did go back to sleep, so I've been up since 345 this morning. I did get up and run at 515 though, so at least I made something of it. I imagine I'll crash off my caffeine high here pretty quickly. I just talked to the director of chemical services here at work. I've been dropping hints to him and our sales director about Jamie's not having a job. I am sort of hoping they could find something here for him to do. Jon asked me if Jamie was starting to search outside the area. When I told him yes, he said that he was going to do my yearly performance evaluation after 6 months (which would be Jan), then readjust my pay. He asked what I made at USGS (which is about 15k more than I make here) and he said he would try to get close to that because they really don't want to lose me! And, if I meet all the goals they've laid out for starting the AMA studies I'll get a cash bonus at the end of the year. I'm so freakin' happy! We need this so much!

Avery and her pony

Avery came into my bedroom at about 6 on Sunday morning. I usually get up and get her a cup of milk, make coffee, then hang out in bed with her til Asher wakes up. I was so tired that morning, though. When she asked for milk, I said “honey, can you please wait just a few minutes… mommy’s so tired.” She said okay and waited another 10 minutes or so, then asked me again. I said the same thing. She must have asked three or four more times, being so patient each time I asked her to wait again. After about an hour, I was finally waking up a little more. I rolled over and Avery asked “mommy, are you tired?” I said, “yes, I’m tired this morning.” She said “are you going to get some coffee?’ I said, “yes, I think I’ll go make some coffee.” She paused, and then said… “will you get me some milk?” I got her milk for her, and was drinking coffee and she asked me if she could pet a pony. I have no idea where that came from, so I asked her to repeat it. She did, and said that she wanted to buy a pony. So, I asked her where we would keep it. In the house, she said. Where would it sleep? In Asher's chair, she said. What would it eat? Grass, she said. I guess she did have it all figured out! :)

Labor day

Today was Labor day and I had the day off. We went to the splash garden at Stephens Park and let the kids get wet. They had a great time! Sunny and I had been there with the kids, but it was nice to have Jamie with us. That evening we had a cookout and had Sunny and Reagan and Alex over, and Jesse, Allison, and Maddie, and Mary and Derek Beck. It was very nice- we built a bonfire and roasted hot dogs and marshmallows.

Sunday evening

It's Sunday evening and I'm sitting here with my new laptop and watching TV with Jamie. Poor guy has a cold, and has been cooped up in the house all weekend, as it's SO cold here.

I have been bugged by something all day. Yesterday I went to check my email and found that my mom's group had had a big squabble and two ladies have left. There's been drama off and on since our inception but I have never let it bother me to the point where I would lose sleep over it. But I did last night.

I fail to understand why everyone can't get along. Why be so defensive? Why be mean? For Pete's sake, we've known one another for nearly three years. One of our members has been very quiet for weeks, then she comes on and posts a spiteful note about how no one cares since no one asked her if she was accepted into school. She found out the week before that she HAD got in... I told her that she should tell the group but she didn't. It was almost as if she were testing everyone. In the other group we belong to, she told everyone when they were sending letters out, and when she heard. I hated the fact that she gave the members of our group so little credit, thinking that they simply didn't care rather than the truth... which was they simply didn't know and trusted her to tell them important news like that.

There were those in our group that started not trusting her a long time ago. They found out information about her, and passed it among everyone else in private emails without the benefit of confronting her directly. There were also a few people that started a new group, that didn't include this gal. Someone told her. Why, I don't know. But I do know that it was mean spirited.

I almost feel silly for writing this all down. It makes me feel stupid to be wrapped up in this to the point of letting it bother me once I log off my computer. I do though.

I have to think that if I had more friends in real life that it wouldn't bother me as much. These were my thoughts today as I was driving to church, and I told Angie about it. As I was telling her, I had a revelation that I am lonely. Jamie and I have been getting along a lot better lately and I do have him to talk to. I also have my sister and my mom, whom I talk to on the phone every day. But I don't have many friends that I talk to daily.

All my friends I went to school with have moved away. I no longer run with my running group, so have lost out on those friendships. I can go in to work and not talk to a single other person all day long. I don't go to church as much as I would like and I don't go to Bible study with my girlfriends there. I saw a friend of mine today and it looked like she was pregnant. In order for me to actually be able to tell, she'd have to be at least a few months along. I couldn't believe that she was that far along and I hadn't talked to her. Even if she isn't pregnant, I don't know for sure because I don't talk to her anymore.

I don't know if this is something I can fix right away. I work all day, come home and hang out with my family. That's what is most important to me. I don't want to leave after I get home, because I get so little time with Avery and Asher as it is. By the time they go to bed, it's late and I'm tired or working on a lecture. I have no time to run, or do anything that I like to do. I feel like I've lost myself, and spent today missing some of the times when I did have more time to do things I like to do.

Tomorrow is a work holiday. I don't have to work tomorrow, but am going to go in to the office to write Tuesday's lecture so I don't have to work on it Tuesday. If I'm lucky I'll get some of Thursday's done too. I've also been asked to write a few articles. Twenty altogether, for which I'll get paid $300. Money is tight, and this should pay for a couple weeks of daycare, so I need to finish that before the deadline of the 23rd.

Jamie's hoping for snow so he doesn't have to work. I'm hoping for warmer weather so I can get outside and 'get the stink blown off me,' as my grandpa would say.